Harder to Believe than Not to

One of the good things about the last two weeks of surgery recovery is that my sister from Washington State came to visit. Dawn lives in a lovely house overlooking Puget Sound; I’m tempted to be envious, but hey, we back up to a retention pond, which is almost the same.

Dawn is incredibly smart. Actually, all my siblings are smart. But Dawn is the only one who seems desirous to have deeper conversations with me about art, history, religion and things like that. Here is a good summation of our dynamic:

Anyway, Dawn spent five days with us, and I loved each day. She made us some of the best food I have had in a long time. And we got to talking one’s experience of faith changes over a lifetime. It reminded me of a quote from Oliver Wendall Holmes:

"For the simplicity that lies this side of complexity, I would not give a fig, but for the simplicity that lies on the other side of complexity, I would give my life."

I applied that to faith: There is a faith on this side of deep doubt that I would not give a fig for; there is a faith on the far side of deep doubt that I would give my life for.

And this reminded me of a quote from Flannery O Conner:

"I think there is no suffering greater than what is caused by the doubts of those who want to believe. I know what torment this is, but I can only see it, in myself anyway, as the process by which faith is deepened. A faith that just accepts is a child's faith and all right for children, but eventually you have to grow religiously as every other way, though some never do.

What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross. It is much harder to believe than not to believe. If you fell you can't believe, you must at least do this: keep an open mind. Keep it open toward faith, keep wanting it, keep asking for it, and leave the rest to God. "

Steve Taylor wrote a song inspired by this quote some years ago. I really wanted to share the song with Dawn, especially since Taylor weaves in a theme from Rachmaninoff, whom Dawn loves. But I could not find any good videos of the song with lyrics. So, I made one myself.

Here it is.